Don’t blame it on sunshine, moonlight, good time or even the boogie…

Blame it on the breastfeeding.

Have you ever noticed how anything that happens is the fault of breastfeeding?

I’ve heard breastfeeding blamed for everything from non-sleeping babies, fussy babies and clingy babies, to exhausted mothers and marital breakdown.

“He isn’t sleeping long periods,” says a new Mum. “Are you still breastfeeding him?” is almost invariably the first question asked. If the mother is, then the answer given is often, “you need to give him a bottle last thing at night, then he’ll sleep,” or other words to this effect. In other words, it’s because you’re breastfeeding.

“He’s really fussy between feeds,” says another. “Are you still breastfeeding?” “Yes, why?” “Maybe you don’t have enough milk. He’s probably starving. Have you thought about giving him a bottle?”

“My husband and I are hardly speaking these days and I don’t find myself interested in sex,” says a third. “Are you still breastfeeding?” “Yes, do you think that’s something to do with it?” “Well, all I can tell you is that when you stop breastfeeding your libido comes back. Might be worth you stopping now, your baby’s had all the benefits and now your dh needs you.”

Have you ever noticed this? Any problem in a breastfed baby or breastfeeding mother / couple is to do with the breastfeeding.

Let’s see what happens when those mothers above answer, “no, I’m formula/bottle feeding him.”

Sleep: “ah well, that’s sometimes normal. Some babies don’t sleep through for yonks.”

Fussy: “he might just be one of those grizzly babies. Take him for a walk in the pram.”

Sex: “well I’m not surprised you’re not interested! You’re knackered and you’ve just had a baby!”

I could give examples for many more scenarios, but why do people do this? Is it simply because breastfeeding is not the cultural norm and as a result we eye it with some suspicion? We see bottle/formula feeding as the norm; have you ever heard a formula feeding mother told “is it something in the milk do you think?” No, me neither (occasionally I have heard it said, “is it his bottle/teat?” but only with direct reference to feeding problems). But I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve heard it said to breastfeeding mothers. Breast milk is a bit suspicious, as it’s not the cultural norm. You don’t know exactly what’s in it. It’s a bit mysterious, maybe a bit too “unscientific”, and we don’t entirely trust it.

But surely we, as breastfeeding mothers, don’t eye breastfeeding with suspicion, do we? Think about it. Next time you are having a “problem” or you hear of a friend having a “problem” with a (non-feeding) aspect of her baby’s behaviour, just check yourself and see if your first thought is to do with the breastfeeding.